I'd like to say something about things that keep us from knowing the will of God in our lives. I'm not a theologian but I do have numerous years experience being lost and depressed and crawling out of it, only to fall back into it again. There are many things I learned about God's will during those times and I'd like to share a few in hopes that they will help someone else.

There's a saying that goes, "If you didn't learn what God wanted you to learn the first time around, He'll make you take another lap." -- meaning around the desert like the Israelites did for 40 years. After being suddenly transported to the desert many times, I know from experience to immediately ask God to show me what He wants me to glean from my mistake so I can move on in my spiritual journey. Then I try to meditate on what He reveals and purpose to apply the lesson so I don't have to take another lap for the same thing again. Usually, I have found that later, if I get to where I feel I've mastered the lesson, being properly "humbled" by the experience, that the same temptation will present itself to me again (usually in a different guise) and if I fail the test, I end up taking another lap. This is when I kick myself in the pants for being so thick-headed because if I had passed, God's will could lead me to another plateau in my journey toward His goal for my life.

From taking all those tiring laps I've become aware of a few things in my life that have been keeping me from knowing the full will of God in my life:

1. Not spending time with God on a one-to-one basis. This is my biggest failing. If the Bible is God's word (and it is), and Jesus is the Word (and He is), then if you want to know Jesus, you have to read His word (the Bible). I go 90 to nothing all day teaching and reading and dealing with problems. By the time I get to bed, I'm exhausted and sometimes have to purposefully pick my Bible up and make myself read it. I talk to Him all day, but don't listen for His response. That's a pretty pathetic thing to say, isn't it? Yet, I desire to know Jesus and God's will for my life. No wonder I'm taking laps all the time!
2. Trying to second-guess where He's headed and assuming I know where He wants me to go just because He's taking me down a certain path. I don't know if He put me on that path forever, for a season, or just for a short time in order to get me somewhere else. When I think I know the final destination, that's when I'm most useless to God. We all have natural tendencies to take over and meet that objective on our own (men more than women, because they're goal-oriented beings -- no offense meant). Before you know it, we're pushing our agenda, thinking its God's and end up messing up big time. (Been there! done that!)
3. Having an unforgiving spirit. I've noticed that the longest periods I spend in the desert are when I'm angry with someone, whether it's a friend, relative or God, or myself. I've deliberately taken offense because someone hurt my feelings or things didn't turn out the way I just KNEW God wanted them to. Or I'm mad at myself for failing the test and won't let go of my self-pity. Sometimes I enjoy being angry and won't let it go. Before I know it, I'm depressed. Depression has been defined as "anger turned inward," and prolonged anger (bitterness) is usually the result of unforgiveness. When you find yourself depressed, you're probably out of God's will and things won’t "click" in your life, spiritual or otherwise. (I say probably, because there's a natural depression that goes along with grief and chemical imbalances, so I'm not talking about those kind.) An unforgiving spirit unchecked leads to depression, which leads to bitterness and will eat up your soul. How can I give God something like that to work with and still expect His will to be done in my life?
4. PRIDE. I'm constantly battling this. I know my problem with pride has a lot to do with resentment toward being controlled by someone else. I like being in control of my life, but over the years, I've discovered that it's all a ruse. The only way to have true control is to be able to control everyone and everything in your universe. Only God has that kind of power. Just when I think I've got pride conquered, I find myself in a situation where I'm given the choice of submitting myself to someone else's authority or rebelling against it. My tendencies are to rebel, but Jesus told us to humble ourselves, to be servants to each other. How can I rebel when I'm commanded to submit? It shatters my feelings of "humbleness." Man’s first sin was not eating the forbidden apple. The sin had already been committed by the time Eve reached up and grabbed it. Her pride told her she deserved to know the difference between good and evil, just like God did. The first defiant sin of the universe was Satan believing he deserved some of the worship given to God because he was the funnel through which all worship went. He prided himself in his position, top angel.
5. Not trusting God. This goes along with Pride. I don't like giving up control (however misguided that notion is). I like knowing what the next step is, and God wants me to step out in faith. I sometimes demand to know what's going to happen next. I don't like surprises. Part of this has to do with my personality because I can be quite pragmatic and inflexible because I like to live on a schedule. The rest comes from bad experiences with authority figures in my life. Yes, I may fall, but maybe it’s because I need to learn something before God can take me further. Yes, I may go down a path I don't want to be on, but just because I don't like it, that doesn't mean I'm not suppose to be there. (I have to constantly remind myself of this.)
6. Getting too comfortable and content where I am (otherwise known as apathy). God never said we're to stay where we are. If we don't keep moving, He can't use us. Faith is supposed to be put in motion and, although God gives us rest at the oasis, if we don't move on, He can't take us anywhere. We'll never get out of that sweltering desert! God depends on our level of cooperation to accomplish His will, not because He has to, but because He chooses. It's called "free-will" and He designed us to make choices.

God is so good. My trials are part of my blessings. I'm grateful He has taken me through the refiner's fire to purify me into something useful, but I still kick myself that He had to teach me in such a painful way because of my pride.